We believe to have a lasting impact and reach this next generation is to see the light of the church be combined with the heart of the family. We desire to continually grow as a ministry in our partnership with parents. There is great power in a parent who raises up a child spiritually, and we want you to know you don’t have to do it alone. The Parent Cue is one way to come alongside your teen in what they are learning.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Series: SHADOWLAND (May 14th - May 27th)



We’re Teaching This:
Have you ever turned on the news only to wish you hadn’t? Or answered a phone call only to wish you could un-hear the news on the other end? Whether it’s a global disaster, a school shooting, our parents’ divorce, or the death of a friend, there’s nothing fun about learning of a tragedy. It can make us feel like we are walking through a shadowland—where nothing seems quite right and there are more questions than answers. What do we say? What do we do? What happens next? And, how long will it take? At some point, we will all face a shadowland, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay there. There is a way through to the other side of tragedy, to healing. But getting there means we have to trust the One who is leading us.
Session 1 Summary: The First Step (5/14)
What now? It’s the big question that we all ask when we find ourselves in a shadowland of tragedy. There’s no textbook for it, at least not one we’ve read. We don’t know where to go. And we don’t know what to do next. How are we supposed to respond when a tragedy strikes? Some of Jesus’ closest friends faced the same questions when their brother died. When Jesus comes to them in the middle of their shadowland, we see Him respond in a way that is both surprising and incredibly helpful as we begin to move forward in tragedy.
Session 2 Summary: Leave Me Alone (5/21)
Have you ever broken a bone? Had surgery? Needed physical therapy? If so, you know that recovery often takes longer that we think it will. The same is true as someone close to us recovers from a tragedy. It takes a lot longer than we think. And most of the time, we aren’t sure how to respond. What should we say? How should we act? What can we do when nothing seems to help? In the story of Naomi and Ruth, we find a beautiful example of how one friend helps another make it to the other side of tragedy. And, in their story, we find that friends, not fixers, can be just what God uses to heal those walking through a shadowland.
Session 3 Summary: Drop the Anchor (5/27)
So where is God when tragedy strikes? It’s a question you can’t help asking. Facing a tragedy, big or small, can shake anyone’s faith. Suddenly, nothing is certain. Nothing feels safe. And we wonder where God is and whether He has abandoned us in a shadowland. As the confusion of tragedy swirls around us, we all need something to hold on to. An anchor. In the words of the Apostle Paul, spoken from the middle of a shadowland, we learn a truth that can steady us in times of tragedy. And if we hold on tight, we may find that it’s just what we need to help us move forward.
Think About This:
Good grief. Is there really such a thing? Is there any way on earth that grieving can be good? Intellectually, we may say yes. We remember enough from our psychology class to know that grieving is helpful—but watching your child experience grief is a different story. Whether they’re mourning the loss of a pet, a family divorce, or something on a much larger scale, silently standing by as your student grieves can feel counterintuitive

In his article, Dealing with Tragedy and Loss, pastor Steve Wiens says it this way:  “When we encounter others who are in pain, we do not know what to do. We do not know how to comfort them. And so we say things to make a really awkward moment less awkward… which is understandable, but not helpful. These responses don't help someone who is in deep pain:
"God must have needed another angel in heaven."
"At least he's no longer suffering."
"Everything happens for a reason."
The problem is that most of us don’t know what to say or do for our teen. There’s no manual for it. So what should we do to help our student navigate the grieving process?

  • Be Quiet. Like most grieving people, students need less words than we think. A hug and a simple, “I’m sorry” can be more comforting than trying to fill the silence with explanations or pep talks.
  • Be Available. For students, grief comes in waves. It can be tricky for parents who think their teen is fine only to find them grieving weeks or months after a tragedy. So, no matter what happens and no matter how long it takes, be available. Tell them that you’re there to listen days after the event, months later, and even years down the road. Knowing you’re in it for the long-haul can help a teen feel stable even when the world around them is not.

Based on resources from How to Help a Grieving Teen by the Dougy Center and Dealing With Tragedy And Loss by Steve Wiens.
Try This
When a student is experiencing tragedy, on a large or small scale, it can be difficult for a parent to know what to do or what to say. This is a great time to look for an outside resource—a source of wisdom that can give you some context for what to expect from your student.

  • Try reaching out to another parent who has been through a similar situation. You don’t have to meet over dinner, just email or call and ask a simple question. You can say something like this, “I know you’ve been in a similar position. What were some things that you learned or some things that surprised you while your teenager was grieving?”

  • Do your homework. There are some great resources out there to help parents learn to cope with students who are grieving. Check out the grief resources from the Dougy Center here http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-teens/.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.