We believe to have a lasting impact and reach this next generation is to see the light of the church be combined with the heart of the family. We desire to continually grow as a ministry in our partnership with parents. There is great power in a parent who raises up a child spiritually, and we want you to know you don’t have to do it alone. The Parent Cue is one way to come alongside your teen in what they are learning.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Series: FIGHTER (Sept. 11 - Sept. 25th)

1. We’re Teaching This
All families fight. It’s inevitable. We fight to be heard. We fight to get what we want. We fight for things to be fair. And oftentimes, the fighting leaves us in worse shape than before we started. But what if fighting didn’t have to be such a bad thing? What if fighting could leave us better than when we started? Maybe, instead of fighting for everything we want, we change our focus. What if we fought for the relationship with our parents and our siblings instead of against them? If that is the case, maybe a good fight is just what we need!

Session 1 Summary: Fight for Honor (9/11)
No family is perfect. We all know it. And sometimes we think that if we could just escape our family, everything would be great. But we can’t change our parents, and we can’t escape them. What we can do is change the relationship we have with them. The book of Ephesians gives us some insight into just how to do this, and it may not be what you might expect. So what can you do to be the fighter in your family?

Session 2 Summary: Fight for the Relationship (9/18)
Most fights come down to one thing: Perspective. Often what we want for ourselves isn’t what our parents want for us and this can cause some serious tension. So what do we do when we can’t see eye-to-eye with them? The Bible reminds us that the way we handle our parents when we aren’t getting what we want has to do with more than just our relationship with them; it’s a reflection of our relationship with God. Because when we turn our hearts towards our parents, we find ourselves moving closer to God as well.
Session 3 Summary: Fight for Acceptance (9/25)
Jesus had some powerful things to say about how we relate to our enemies. And sometimes it feels like our greatest enemies are the ones who live under our own roof. While sibling rivalry may feel like a 24/7 challenge to you now, some day the relationships with your brothers and sisters may be the most important ones in your life. So how do you get there? How do you make the move to fight for those future relationships?

2. Think About This
“It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s a classic break-up line. But it may also be a helpful line when it comes to navigating conflict with your student. Except, it’s just the opposite. “It’s not me, it’s you.” Not that you should say that to your teenager, but when it comes to working through the emotional landmines students seem to live in, this can be helpful to keep in mind: You aren’t crazy.

In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Terri Apter writes, “The real task of adolescence, and the real cause of turbulence, is the teen's own uncertainty about who he is, alongside his eager need to establish a sense of identity.” It’s the reason things always feel on edge. For students, much is on the line. They know they are changing and growing, but they aren’t quite sure what, or who, they are becoming. It is a classic identity crisis. And as they are trying so hard to figure themselves out, parents become targets; innocent bystanders, feeling helpless in their position.

Apter continues, “Teens get so heated in arguments with parents because so much is at stake: they are fighting to change their relationship with a parent, to make a parent see that they are not the child the parent thinks she knows…teens expect the parent to appreciate who they have become, even before they know.”

In other words, your teenagers are desperate for a sense of individuality and self—desperate for you as their parent to recognize it, value it and understand it. They need you to lead the way in their quest for distinctiveness and feel the support and encouragement coming from you. They may not have the words for it, their actions may communicate otherwise, but at the root of this stage of development is the desire to be foundationally supported by the ones they often end up isolating.

As much as they try to push you away, exclude you or simply ignore you, by definition of your role, you are in it. With them. And if done right, you could have the chance to fight for them, and not simply against them. Don’t give up on them. Though the conflict doesn’t feel fair. The frustration doesn’t feel legitimate. The annoyance doesn’t feel justifiable. Don’t start treating interactions with your student as something to “win.” Instead, work at winning the relationship. Come from a place of understanding—instead of frustration. Come from a place of grace—instead of being defensive. Come from a place of readiness to help—even if met with little to no appreciation.

Instead of making this a fight, see this as a journey—done together. This may be a season of conflict. But your willingness to be present in it, to stick through it, to fight for it is, in and of itself, a win. Don’t give up on them now. Keep at it, and you may be surprised, encouraged and maybe even a bit amazed at who your teenager finds themselves to be.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/domestic-intelligence/200901/teens-and-parents-in-conflict

3. Try This
  • Your teenager is well on their way to being an adult. Their communication skills are not. Be patient.
  • Make the goal in fighting to resolve the fight—not just be right.
  • Don’t escalate the drama. Refrain from the urge to pay back in kind their hurtful comments and emotional reactions.
  • Address one issue at a time. Don’t let one argument become a venting session for all the ways you feel they have been disrespecting you. Remember, you want to resolve the issue, not keep score.
  • Don’t forget, it won’t be like this forever. Hang in there!






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