We believe to have a lasting impact and reach this next generation is to see the light of the church be combined with the heart of the family. We desire to continually grow as a ministry in our partnership with parents. There is great power in a parent who raises up a child spiritually, and we want you to know you don’t have to do it alone. The Parent Cue is one way to come alongside your teen in what they are learning.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Series: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET (May 29th - June 12th)


1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
Jesus seemed to make it pretty simple when it comes to what following Him would be all about: love God and love others as you love yourself. But this simple command gets a lot more complicated when we don't see God, ourselves and others as we should. When we don't see rightly, we don't live rightly. So, how do we fix our broken view? How do we start living in a way that reflects Jesus' intensions for our lives, and see the world the way we should? What we see is what we get. So, how do we see the right way?

Week 1 Summary: Simple (May 28th)
We all have a picture of who God is. And whether it’s positive or negative, the way we see God often shapes the way we experience Him—and most especially the way we relate to His greatest commandment: to love Him with all our heart. So how do we change our view? How do we start to see God the right way so we can begin to love Him, as He first loved us?

Week 2 Summary: Famous (June 4th)
Every one of us wants to know the answer to this question: Do I matter? We look for it from our friends, our parents, social media and sometimes even from strangers. But what happens when we choose to stop looking at everyone else to tell us that we matter and start looking to the One who calls us His own? Because if we’re going to get the second part of the greatest commandment right, we’ve got to begin seeing ourselves as God sees us.

Week 3 Summary: The Side of the Road (June 11th)
If we were honest, I think many of us would admit, we tend to see ourselves as the center of the universe.  We see people in light of what they can do for us, instead of what we can do for them. But in the Great Commandment, Jesus makes it clear that our call as Christians is to love our neighbor. So, who is our neighbor? And, how do we love them? Thankfully, Jesus doesn't just tell us what to do, He tells us what this looks like. 

2. Be a Student of Your Student
No matter how old we get, the need for acceptance never goes away. Consciously or not, we are all drawn to the places and people where we feel absolutely and unconditionally welcomed, approved and believed in. But there may be no other time in life where the pull to feel this acceptance is as strong as the teenage years.

One motivational youth speaker puts it this way, “Acceptance is never more important than during the teen and preteen years – when they are clamoring, ever so awkwardly, toward adulthood and on their way to the summit of self-actualization (their true potential)” (http://www.pinkshoehero.org/2012/11/12/unconditional-acceptance/).

This may not be new information, but as parents to teenagers, it is critical information. As our students approach ages where the need for acceptance is felt more acutely than ever before, the stakes are higher than ever. Because if we aren’t offering the acceptance our teenagers are desperate for, they won’t just live without it—they will look elsewhere for it.

Which is why it is so important that our kids feel the acceptance they need from us primarily. But before addressing what acceptance may look like, let’s talk about what it is not. Acceptance of our students doesn’t have to mean approval of unwise choices. In the article “The Importance of Unconditional Self Acceptance” from the parenting website The Kids Are Alright, the point is made this way: “Accepting a teenager unconditionally doesn’t mean you have to accept their reasoning, the premise of what they’re saying, their poor behavior or bad attitude, their disrespect, their playing the victim card, or their oft-times poor sense of judgment … But the simple act of showing them that you accept them for who they are, as a person – their weaknesses, strengths and all – is the first step to helping them build their own self-acceptance” (http://www.thekidsareallright.com.au/2013/parenting/self-esteem-unconditional-self-acceptance/).

In addition, acceptance, from our end as parents, should not be a reaction. We shouldn’t be taking our cues from our teenagers and gauging how to respond to them based off of how they are treating us. In fact, the opposite is true. Though this is a stage of life where they may be naturally pulling away and sending every nonverbal (or verbal) message of how they don’t want us around, this is the time when our communicated acceptance is the most crucial. In offering this, even when your student is communicating something different, you are creating the space for change in their behavior to happen. And whether their behavior changes or not, creating a place where they feel accepted is always a good idea.

So, how do we begin showing unconditional acceptance to our teenagers in actual, tangible ways? How do we put our “I love you” in a language they can really understand?

3. Action Point
Social scientists John DeFrain and Nick Stinnett asked 1,500 kids, “What do you think makes a family happy?” What was their most frequent answer? Doing things together.                                                                                            
Here is a list of seven creative ways parents can demonstrate their love and acceptance to their children.
1.  Plan to hang out with your student once a month—and let them choose the activity.
2.  Kidnap them unexpectedly for a walk or a meal.
3.  Write something encouraging on a Post-it-note and stick it on their bedroom door.
4.  Spend an hour listening to their favorite music or watching their favorite TV show with them.
5.  Find something about your child’s appearance to compliment. 
6.  Do one of their chores for them.
7.  Sit down with your child and start asking questions … and then listen to them.
Pick one—or all seven—and be intentional this week about showing your student that you love and accept them, just the way they are.
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.