1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
Think about the last time you heard the word “blessed.” What came to
mind? For many of us—and many of our students—the word blessed conjures up
images of the coolest clothes, the newest gadgets and a worry-free life. But
when we look at what God has to say about being blessed, we realize that we
probably have things pretty mixed up. Because if being blessed is more about
our relationships—and what we do with them—than the stuff we have, we may have
some reevaluating to do in order to redefine what it means to be blessed and
realize that we might just be more blessed than we originally thought.
Session 1: What It Isn’t
(Oct. 3rd ‘12)
“God Bless you.” We say it all the time in all sorts of
situations. But what does this little word “blessed” actually mean? All too
often, we use it when we feel good and everything is going our way. But if this
is our definition of being blessed, what happens when things aren’t picture
perfect? What do we do when we feel more stressed than blessed? Because
ultimately, being blessed isn’t about the things we have or the way we feel.
It’s about becoming who God is shaping us to be.
Session 2: What It Is (Oct. 10th ‘12)
Maybe we get that our “stuff” isn’t
what determines God’s blessing in our life. And maybe we even understand that
what God is doing in us and through us is more important than any “thing.” But
what about the idea that God’s most extravagant blessings can be found in the
ordinary, everyday—and maybe even the annoying—people that we find ourselves
surrounded by? What if we counted our blessings not by “what” we have but by
“who” we have; by those ordinary and extraordinary relationships that God
weaves into our lives? We just might find that we are more blessed than we ever
imagined!
Session 3: What It Means (Oct. 17th ‘12)
Now that we’ve established what
blessing is not—the stuff we have—and what it truly is—the relationships we
possess—we are going to take this idea of blessing one step further and look at
the more uncomfortable—but truly remarkable—side of God’s idea of blessing:
that God’s blessings are not meant just for us but are meant to be shared. And
this isn’t something we are always on board with. But when we live by the truth
that we are blessed in order to bless others, we suddenly realize that real blessing comes from giving
ourselves completely to the God who made us.
2. Be a Student of Your Student
Entitlement seems to be creeping into our culture
through every mode possible—television, magazines, music. The feeling that we
have the right to something—or to many “somethings”—seems to be the new
cultural norm. And while it’s easy to blame the media, culture and maybe even
other families who seem to give their teenagers everything under the sun, it’s
important to remember the hard truth that in reality, entitlement begins at
home. What we model to our children is the true determining factor in how they view
the world; what the world has to offer and what they are entitled to get from
it. But the problem is, for many of us, entitlement isn’t something that our
kids alone struggle with. Entitlement is our struggle too.
Has this thought
ever crossed your mind: “If only there was more money in our family budget, we
could do so much more for our children? They could be on the traveling baseball
team, go on all the church trips and have
all the latest gadgets.” Come on. Admit it! There has probably been at least
one time in your parenting journey that you have wished for more—more money,
more time … more something. And this is totally normal. It’s a struggle that we
all face. So, just for fun let’s pretend: You are still you, with your spouse,
your children and your extended family, but now you have everything you could
ever want—every dollar, every resource, every “thing” and every need met (and
most every want met too). How does it feel? Do you feel happier, healthier and
more fulfilled? Do you feel more “blessed”?
There is an article that
came out in “The Atlantic” in April 2011 entitled “The Secret Fears of the Super Rich.” And while you might expect the
focus of this article to be the Dow Jones Index, the real estate market or tax
reform, what emerged was something much more relatable to the rest of us. What
the article uncovered was the reality that even the super rich fear for the
well being of their children. As the article’s summary states: “Does great wealth bring fulfillment? An
ambitious study by Boston College suggests not. For the first time, researchers
prompted the very rich—people with fortunes in excess of $25 million—to speak
candidly about their lives. The result is a surprising litany of anxieties:
their sense of isolation, their worries about work and love, and most of all,
their fears for their children.” (To read the full
article, go to http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/04/secret-fears-of-the-super-rich/8419/.)
As one respondent of the survey confided, “Other people glorify wealth and think that it means that the wealthy are
smarter, wiser, more ‘blessed’ or some other such crock … it’s hard to get
other, non-wealthy people to believe it’s not more significant than that … The
novelty of money has worn off.”
Can you imagine being able to say that? To say the
novelty of money has worn off? Most of us will never be there, but it sure
feels good to know that just because someone has enough money to buy anything
their heart desires—for themselves or their children—it doesn’t mean that it
alleviates their fears. It doesn’t mean that they are more blessed. As a matter
of fact, in most cases, it actually ups the ante on the fear and anxiety level.
So, with that in mind, let’s turn back to the idea
of entitlement and take a look at an article written by Carey Nieuwhof on the
Orange Parents blog—“Five Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids.”
3. Action Point
Take some time to
read through the following article by Carey Nieuwhof—Lead Pastor at Connexus Community Church north of Toronto
Canada—and discuss with your student how you can put at least 1 of the
following 5 suggestions into practice.
Five Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids
By Carey Nieuwhof
Like most parents, you feel this terrible
tug.
On the one hand, you want to provide your
child with every advantage. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like when you
do that, you’re feeding an incredibly unhealthy characteristic in our culture.
For whatever reason, we’re living in the
midst of an entitlement epidemic. Probably more than any other generation
before us, our generation feels as though we have a right to things that used
to be defined as wants, or even privileges.
Here’s how the cycle starts:
On the day your child is born, it’s easy to
decide as a parent that you need to give your child every advantage.
So you compete. You made sure he had bright
colors in his nursery and exactly the right kind of mobile to stimulate his
brain, but now it’s an all out frenzy to ensure your preschooler can swim,
skate, hit a ball, paint frameable art, read, write and speak classical Greek
before his fourth birthday.
And don’t worry, because by the time you’re
done with the race to kindergarten, the culture has taken over feeding the
frenzy. Your child has now seen enough advertisements and made enough friends
to believe that her every desire not only can be met, but should be met. The
boots that every other stylish kid is wearing are not a privilege, they are a
right. Or so you’ve been told.
And then other inalienable rights emerge:
the right to a phone for texting, iPod touches, Facebook and so much more.
Somewhere in the mix, you found yourself
realizing that you are tempted to pay your kids for every “act of service”
rendered in the house, from emptying the trash to picking up each sock.
And you realize something is desperately
wrong. And you would be correct in that.
So, what do you do to fight entitlement in
yourself and in your kids? Here are five suggestions:
1. Be clear on wants and needs. I joke with my kids that we owe them shelter, food and clothes, and I
would be happy to slip a pizza under the door to their cardboard house any time
they wish (they are 16 and 20, don’t try this with your 5-year-old, but you get
the point.) Take time to explain what is actually a need and what a want
is. Culture will never explain it to them. You need to.
2. Reclaim special occasions. There is nothing wrong with not buying wants for your kids in
every day life. Save the special things for special occasions like birthdays,
Christmas and the like. You don’t need to indulge for no reason. In fact, you
probably shouldn’t.
3. Set a budget and let them choose. With back to school shopping and seasonal purchases, we started setting
a budget with our kids early and then let them choose how they would spend it.
They become much more frugal shoppers when all of a sudden they realize that
money is limited and they can get more if they shop around.
4. Establish an allowance and expectations. An allowance is a great way for a child to learn responsibility. We’ve
encouraged our kids to give 10 percent of every thing they earn, save 10
percent, and live off the rest (the formula gets more restrictive the closer
they get to college). Explain what gets covered and not covered out of that
allowance.
5. Be clear about what you will never
pay them for. There are some things that you do because
you are a part of the family. You can decide where that lands in your home.
Make a list of responsibilities that no one gets paid for that you do because
you are part of a family. To help with this, why not ask your kids what a
reasonable list looks like? Involving them will help them own the decision.
Second, make sure you follow up. And hold them responsible for what you all
agreed to do. Otherwise you will be tempted to pay for everything or just roll
your eyes daily and do it yourself.
Approaches like these can help raise kids
who see life as a series of privileges, who live gratefully, and realize their
responsibility to others.
How is our entitlement culture impacting
your family? And how have you learned to battle it?
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.