Series: Thrill of Hope (Nov. 28-Dec. 12)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
For 2000 years, Christians have gathered all over the world to celebrate the birth of Christ, and not just as a historical event, but as a powerful reminder that God doesn’t give up on his promises and as God’s children, we always have hope. The Christmas story began with the nation of Israel, a group of people that had good reason to lose hope—they hadn’t heard a word from God in hundreds of years. To the poets, prophets, and priests, it seemed as if God might have turned His back on them. The thrilling nature of the Christmas story is that God didn’t turn His back, and although He had been silent, He had not been still. A baby was coming. God was putting skin on and moving into the neighborhood. Hope crashed into the silence.

Session 1: More Than Faithful (Nov. 28th)
Christmas is a season marked with anticipation for those of us inside of the church and even those outside of it. However, the nation of Israel understood expectation in a much deeper way than waiting on a new bicycle. At the time of Jesus’ birth, it had been hundreds of years since God had sent a prophet, an oracle, or even a judgment. As we discover in the first chapter of Luke, all of that is about to change. The story of Zechariah and Elizabeth—the parents of John the Baptist—teaches us that when God is silent, it doesn’t mean He is still. He reverses the fortune of a barren woman, ends years of silence, and sends His Son into the world. The Christmas story since the beginning has been about a relentless God who is always on the move.

Session 2: More Than Forgiven (Dec. 5th)
Usually when we read the Christmas story we start with one of the four gospels. This week, we’ll take a look at what Paul says about the Christmas story in Galatians. He offers a perspective that is unique from Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. For Paul, the message isn’t just that Jesus comes to forgive our sins; He comes so that we can know God as our Father. For thousands of years, God has primarily been a lawgiver to the nation of Israel, but now—through Christ—He is a Father to all of those who seek Him. The beauty of the Christmas story is not simply that we are off the hook for our sins, but that we can have an intimate relationship with our Creator.

Session 3: More Than a Story (Dec. 12th)
In the 21st Century, some 2000 years after the words were written, the Christmas story has come under assault in our culture. Is this story even true? Perhaps you have wondered that yourself. With the local mall changing it’s slogan from “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays,” perhaps you have secretly wondered if Christmas should be more about celebrating family than the birth of a Savior. Through reading the gospel of Luke—and understanding why he wrote his letter—we discover that the Christmas story is more than a story. The Christmas story is an event in history. Understanding Luke’s historical context helps us realize that our faith isn’t in faith and our belief isn’t in belief. The Christmas story is a historical event with real names and faces, real stables and horses. When we understand this, what makes the “Holy Night” of Christ’s birth so wonderful is that it actually happened. 

2. Be a Student of Your Student
Our kids are desensitized. Maybe that is a sweeping generalization, but let’s be honest: how many times have you heard people talk about the selfishness and lack of empathy in the upcoming generation? To be completely fair, this is probably a label that every generation tends to give the one coming up on their heels. But—whether we like it or not—there is a growing body of research which suggests that our young people today are lacking in empathy and sensitivity. Whether because of the media barrage of violence, sexuality and not-so-real reality television shows or simply because of a general lack of education and intergenerational connectivity, more and more people are writing about this next generation’s deficit in empathetic abilities.

An article in Psychology Today (June 5th, 2010) puts it this way:

“Earlier this week, Sara Konrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, released her results on a study analyzing and comparing empathy among college students over the last 30 years. The results? The ‘biggest drop in empathy’ in recent history. She writes, ‘College kids today are about 40 percent lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago.’ In related survey research, psychologist Jean Twenge has labeled the current generation of young people the ‘iGeneration,’ or ‘Generation Me.’ In her books she describes how young people today ‘take it for granted that the self comes first,’ and has labeled this time a ‘narcissism epidemic,’ stating that we are ‘living in the age of entitlement.’ Konrath and O'Brien link the self-absorption and lack of empathy together, calling the current generation ‘one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history... It's not surprising that this growing emphasis on the self is accompanied by a corresponding devaluing of others.’ (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201006/are-today-s-youth-even-more-self-absorbed-and-less-caring-gener)

These are obviously scary words to read for those of us working with and raising the next generation. But we don’t have to let research like this have the final word! Our job as parents is to foster the values of empathy, listening, putting others first and caring for others that we want to see in our kids for years to come. And a great way to start is to find something that gets your student excited and then channel that excitement into an avenue to serve and help others. Here are some practical questions to ask your student to get thinking about where they might want to give of themselves:

• "What really drives you?"
• "What's the most fun you've ever had helping someone else?"
• "What dreams do you think God has given you?"
• "What can you do that most people can't?"
• "What ability would you most like to develop? Why?"
• "If God hired you for a summer job, what would you hope it would be? Why?"

(Taken from http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/how_your_teen_is_wired.aspx)

The answers to these questions can be the springboard for helping you and your student determine where they can put their talent and interests to work for others. And remember, just because your student isn’t excited by any and every project that comes along doesn’t mean they aren’t empathetic and it doesn’t mean they aren’t a great kid! You just may need to dig a bit more and get a bit more creative in figuring out what really ignites them to serve and see outside of themselves. 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: Reversing Darwin (Oct. 24-Nov. 14)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

In the dog-eat-dog world of middle school and high school, survival of the fittest often seems like the law of the land. And when we’re on the bottom of the food chain, this idea of a pecking order can start to affect the way we understand God—and maybe even the way we believe God sees us. But what if we were able to reverse this idea? What if something in Scripture allowed us to turn survival of the fittest on its head? Maybe we can start to flip the idea of “only the strong survive” and live in the reality that God has a bigger purpose and a better picture in mind—and this purpose and picture involves all of us—the strong, the weak, the in, the out, those you would expect, and those you wouldn't. Maybe in an effort to reverse Darwin, we need to start by understanding who God created us to be and how to live like it matters. 

Session 1: Survive (Oct. 24th)

Weak. Powerless. Abandoned. Overlooked. We’ve all felt this way at one time or another. And when we feel like the world doesn’t see us and we are less than fit to make it, we start to believe that only the strong survive. But God doesn’t work that way. Because God sees the hurt, the neglect and the times that we have been ignored and taken advantage of. God sees past the labels we give ourselves—and others. And because God sees, we are no longer powerless. Because God sees, God will act on our behalf.

Session 2: Classify (Nov. 7th)

We’ve said that God sees and cares for the weak. But if this is true, doesn’t it mean that God favors the weak over the strong? It’s easy to set up oppositions; it’s easy to take sides. Especially when we are the ones who feel weak. We want God to be against the strong—against those who are hurting us. But in Jesus, we see the picture of a God who can see the weak and love the strong at the same time. Jesus is The Great Equalizer. And because of this, we can live beyond the “us versus them” mentality and start to see everyone we come in contact with as God’s favorite. 

Session 3: Adapt (Nov. 14th)

Everyday our students are making choices. Choices about what to wear, what to say, where to go and how to act. And these choices often reflect the herd mentality that says they have to be, say and do the same as everyone else in order to survive. In other words, they have to adapt. And while this may feel like the best way to make it through middle school and high school, ultimately it isn’t. Because when we learn who God made us to be—nothing more and nothing less—we allow people to get a glimpse of who we really are. And, ultimately, who God is as well.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Take a moment to think back—way, way back—to those first days of middle school. Or to the moments and memories that still define your high school experience. Or, get really bold and break out an old yearbook and see what you find. Feathered bangs? Side ponytails? Maybe even a mullet? Or, maybe seeing those old pictures brings back memories of who you thought you would one day be and all the adventures you hoped to have. Maybe you envisioned getting out of your small town and attending college in a bustling urban center, or studying abroad and soaking in the European culture. But even if those hopes and dreams didn’t pan out, they probably helped you dig deeper to define who you were, sometimes by simply figuring out who you were are not.

And for many of us, this process is still an ongoing part of our lives. It may even be that we were more sure of who we were at 18 than we are now that we have children, a job, a mortgage and a “life.” But why is it that we are still working so hard at figuring this out? Sometimes it seems that in our now grown-up lives we are working harder to convince other people of who we are. Whether on our Facebook profiles (yep, our students aren’t the only ones) or through conversations with friends, family and even other parents we are often caught up in a PR battle … with ourselves. We try to define ourselves by the way we represent ourselves to the world and in the process, we end up forgetting who we really are. Throw in 24/7 parenting duties, work tasks, daily household management, church and family life and any other threads of schedules and responsibilities and we get lost in the mix altogether!

And, as you may have noticed, we usually realize the weight of figuring out who we are in times of crisis or great change. Often, we find that somewhere along the line we have “activating events” that trigger us to shatter the image of who we think we are and dig deep again to find our true selves, to rediscover who we truly are.

And for our students, these activating events happen on a daily or maybe even hourly basis. They don’t make the team. They fail a test. They get dropped by a group of friends that were once their whole world. And like us, when this happens to our students, they get to pause, reflect, pick up the pieces and walk away in their new—or maybe just dusted off—identity.

3. Action Point

Sit down with your teenager and talk about a time when something happened to you that redefined who you are. Maybe it was a divorce, or even some defining moment that occurred before they were ever born. Whatever it is, talk about how it changed you and led you to better understand yourself.

Then, ask them if anything has happened this week that has caused them to feel “less than.” What was it? How did it make them feel? Did it make them want to change something about themselves? Did it make them feel like they don’t really know who they are or where they belong?

Now speak into that place of vulnerability and insecurity. What do you see in your student that is unique? What would be lost if they changed themselves in order to fit in? Why does it matter that they strive to be just who God created them to be?

Be sure to carve out some intentional time to sit down and wrestle through these questions with your student. And remember, even if they don’t open up as much as you would hope or like, the fact that you took the time and cared enough to ask will pay huge dividends in the future. Because just knowing what they are going through means the world to your student, even if they aren’t able to show it. 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: Blessed (Oct. 3rd-17th)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Think about the last time you heard the word “blessed.” What came to mind? For many of us—and many of our students—the word blessed conjures up images of the coolest clothes, the newest gadgets and a worry-free life. But when we look at what God has to say about being blessed, we realize that we probably have things pretty mixed up. Because if being blessed is more about our relationships—and what we do with them—than the stuff we have, we may have some reevaluating to do in order to redefine what it means to be blessed and realize that we might just be more blessed than we originally thought.

 Session 1: What It Isn’t (Oct. 3rd ‘12)

“God Bless you.” We say it all the time in all sorts of situations. But what does this little word “blessed” actually mean? All too often, we use it when we feel good and everything is going our way. But if this is our definition of being blessed, what happens when things aren’t picture perfect? What do we do when we feel more stressed than blessed? Because ultimately, being blessed isn’t about the things we have or the way we feel. It’s about becoming who God is shaping us to be. 

Session 2: What It Is (Oct. 10th ‘12)

Maybe we get that our “stuff” isn’t what determines God’s blessing in our life. And maybe we even understand that what God is doing in us and through us is more important than any “thing.” But what about the idea that God’s most extravagant blessings can be found in the ordinary, everyday—and maybe even the annoying—people that we find ourselves surrounded by? What if we counted our blessings not by “what” we have but by “who” we have; by those ordinary and extraordinary relationships that God weaves into our lives? We just might find that we are more blessed than we ever imagined!

Session 3: What It Means (Oct. 17th ‘12)

Now that we’ve established what blessing is not—the stuff we have—and what it truly is—the relationships we possess—we are going to take this idea of blessing one step further and look at the more uncomfortable—but truly remarkable—side of God’s idea of blessing: that God’s blessings are not meant just for us but are meant to be shared. And this isn’t something we are always on board with. But when we live by the truth that we are blessed in order to bless others, we suddenly realize that real blessing comes from giving ourselves completely to the God who made us.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Entitlement seems to be creeping into our culture through every mode possible—television, magazines, music. The feeling that we have the right to something—or to many “somethings”—seems to be the new cultural norm. And while it’s easy to blame the media, culture and maybe even other families who seem to give their teenagers everything under the sun, it’s important to remember the hard truth that in reality, entitlement begins at home. What we model to our children is the true determining factor in how they view the world; what the world has to offer and what they are entitled to get from it. But the problem is, for many of us, entitlement isn’t something that our kids alone struggle with. Entitlement is our struggle too.

Has this thought ever crossed your mind: “If only there was more money in our family budget, we could do so much more for our children? They could be on the traveling baseball team, go on all the church trips and have all the latest gadgets.” Come on. Admit it! There has probably been at least one time in your parenting journey that you have wished for more—more money, more time … more something. And this is totally normal. It’s a struggle that we all face. So, just for fun let’s pretend: You are still you, with your spouse, your children and your extended family, but now you have everything you could ever want—every dollar, every resource, every “thing” and every need met (and most every want met too). How does it feel? Do you feel happier, healthier and more fulfilled? Do you feel more “blessed”?

There is an article that came out in “The Atlantic” in April 2011 entitled “The Secret Fears of the Super Rich.” And while you might expect the focus of this article to be the Dow Jones Index, the real estate market or tax reform, what emerged was something much more relatable to the rest of us. What the article uncovered was the reality that even the super rich fear for the well being of their children. As the article’s summary states: “Does great wealth bring fulfillment? An ambitious study by Boston College suggests not. For the first time, researchers prompted the very rich—people with fortunes in excess of $25 million—to speak candidly about their lives. The result is a surprising litany of anxieties: their sense of isolation, their worries about work and love, and most of all, their fears for their children.” (To read the full article, go to http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/04/secret-fears-of-the-super-rich/8419/.)

As one respondent of the survey confided, “Other people glorify wealth and think that it means that the wealthy are smarter, wiser, more ‘blessed’ or some other such crock … it’s hard to get other, non-wealthy people to believe it’s not more significant than that … The novelty of money has worn off.”

Can you imagine being able to say that? To say the novelty of money has worn off? Most of us will never be there, but it sure feels good to know that just because someone has enough money to buy anything their heart desires—for themselves or their children—it doesn’t mean that it alleviates their fears. It doesn’t mean that they are more blessed. As a matter of fact, in most cases, it actually ups the ante on the fear and anxiety level.

So, with that in mind, let’s turn back to the idea of entitlement and take a look at an article written by Carey Nieuwhof on the Orange Parents blog—“Five Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids.”

3. Action Point

Take some time to read through the following article by Carey Nieuwhof—Lead Pastor at Connexus Community Church north of Toronto Canada—and discuss with your student how you can put at least 1 of the following 5 suggestions into practice.

Five Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids

By Carey Nieuwhof

(http://www.orangeparents.org/five-ways-to-fight-entitlement-in-your-kids/)

Like most parents, you feel this terrible tug.

On the one hand, you want to provide your child with every advantage. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like when you do that, you’re feeding an incredibly unhealthy characteristic in our culture.

For whatever reason, we’re living in the midst of an entitlement epidemic. Probably more than any other generation before us, our generation feels as though we have a right to things that used to be defined as wants, or even privileges.

Here’s how the cycle starts:

On the day your child is born, it’s easy to decide as a parent that you need to give your child every advantage.

So you compete. You made sure he had bright colors in his nursery and exactly the right kind of mobile to stimulate his brain, but now it’s an all out frenzy to ensure your preschooler can swim, skate, hit a ball, paint frameable art, read, write and speak classical Greek before his fourth birthday.

And don’t worry, because by the time you’re done with the race to kindergarten, the culture has taken over feeding the frenzy. Your child has now seen enough advertisements and made enough friends to believe that her every desire not only can be met, but should be met. The boots that every other stylish kid is wearing are not a privilege, they are a right. Or so you’ve been told.

And then other inalienable rights emerge: the right to a phone for texting, iPod touches, Facebook and so much more.

Somewhere in the mix, you found yourself realizing that you are tempted to pay your kids for every “act of service” rendered in the house, from emptying the trash to picking up each sock.

And you realize something is desperately wrong. And you would be correct in that.

So, what do you do to fight entitlement in yourself and in your kids? Here are five suggestions:

1.  Be clear on wants and needs. I joke with my kids that we owe them shelter, food and clothes, and I would be happy to slip a pizza under the door to their cardboard house any time they wish (they are 16 and 20, don’t try this with your 5-year-old, but you get the point.) Take time to explain what is actually a need and what a want is. Culture will never explain it to them. You need to.

2.  Reclaim special occasions. There is nothing wrong with not buying wants for your kids in every day life. Save the special things for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and the like. You don’t need to indulge for no reason. In fact, you probably shouldn’t.

3.   Set a budget and let them choose. With back to school shopping and seasonal purchases, we started setting a budget with our kids early and then let them choose how they would spend it. They become much more frugal shoppers when all of a sudden they realize that money is limited and they can get more if they shop around.

4.  Establish an allowance and expectations. An allowance is a great way for a child to learn responsibility. We’ve encouraged our kids to give 10 percent of every thing they earn, save 10 percent, and live off the rest (the formula gets more restrictive the closer they get to college). Explain what gets covered and not covered out of that allowance.

5.  Be clear about what you will never pay them for. There are some things that you do because you are a part of the family. You can decide where that lands in your home. Make a list of responsibilities that no one gets paid for that you do because you are part of a family. To help with this, why not ask your kids what a reasonable list looks like? Involving them will help them own the decision. Second, make sure you follow up. And hold them responsible for what you all agreed to do. Otherwise you will be tempted to pay for everything or just roll your eyes daily and do it yourself.

Approaches like these can help raise kids who see life as a series of privileges, who live gratefully, and realize their responsibility to others.

How is our entitlement culture impacting your family? And how have you learned to battle it?

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.