Series: WALK AWAY (June 19th - July 10th)

1. We’re Teaching This

All of us, at one time or another, have dealt with—or will deal with—the temptation to walk away from Christianity or Jesus Himself. Thankfully, we are not alone. In fact, one of Jesus’ more famous disciples, Peter, faced the same issues we do—wrestling with guilt, doubt, and difficult dynamics with other people. But what Peter chose to do can offer us some hope in our own faith journey. Peter hung in there—he didn’t walk away, and as a result, his life was never the same.

Week 1 Summary: Denied (6/19)

Maybe when you think about being a Christian, certain things come to mind of what you shouldn’t do or be. But you can’t ever seem to get it together. And even though you know what you should be, the feeling of guilt from falling short over and over again is overwhelming. Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples was familiar with the same kind of feeling, which could have caused him to walk away. But Peter didn’t walk away and you don’t have to either.

Week 2 Summary: Sunk (6/25)

The apostle Peter was known for doing some big things—good big things, and other things not so praiseworthy. But what Peter got right was the ability to step out—literally and figuratively. Accepting Jesus’ invitation to step out of the boat and walk on the water, Peter did what no other disciple did. But when he took his eyes off Jesus, he lost focus and started to sink. How did Peter react? How would we react? What happens when fear starts to take over? Do we walk away or are we able to recover?

Week 3 Summary: Real People (7/10)

Peter was one the biggest figures of the church in an exciting time, but also a challenging one. People had big questions, strong opinions and conflicting ideas about what the church should look like—and not everyone liked where Peter stood. Other people can sometimes be a bigger stumbling block than anything else when it comes to following Jesus. So what do you do when other people are what’s holding up your faith? What do you do when you want to get to Jesus but others seem to be in the way? How do you stick around and not walk away?

2. Think About This

By Karen Stubbs

There seems to be a growing trend these days to walk away—from relationships, circumstances, and challenging situations. Some reasons are legitimate, and some are just from the unwillingness to see things through.

Let’s face it. Walking away—most of the time—is easier. But allowing our kids to do this is missing an opportunity to teach them a valuable lesson. So, how do we encourage them to stick with something—when everything in them protests? 

As parents, influence is a must—and something to work hard for. In this case, to motivate them to stick with something, you must meet them where they are. Get inside your student’s brain by understanding they do not think like you do. In addition, while you may feel a sense of urgency about their situation and the desired response you have for them, that doesn’t mean they do. So be careful how you communicate your desires. In other words, a key to motivating is to take the emotion out of the motivation. In fact, not doing this can ultimately can lead to a loss of influence with your student.  

Instead of lecturing as a means of motivating, try modeling this idea of sticking with it in your parenting style. Lay down a plan and then step back, allowing the consequences to play out—good or bad. In other words, when your students watch you show persistence and consistency in how you parent them, they are witnessing the desired behavior for them, in you. Your ability to stick with a plan matters for their own growth and integrity—they feel they can trust you when you say you will do something—whether that following through benefits them, or not.

But this idea matters in more than just how it directly affects your students. Because while it may not feel like it, our kids are watching the way we handle the things life throws our way—apart from them—that create a personal urge to call it quits. Challenging relationships, inconvenient commitments, and difficult circumstances give us, as parents, regular opportunities to bail and to walk away ourselves. But I wonder what would happen if our kids saw us stick with something—even though the alternative would be much easier? I wonder what they would observe and how our behavior would influence them if they watched us—in the more difficult situations of our life—refuse to call it quits? It could be that what our kids so desperately need to learn is better taught not from the words coming out of our mouths, but from the personal decisions we make in our own lives to keep on, to continue, to persist and to not walk away.

3. Try This

Here are a few ways you can communicate in your conversations with your students when they want to walk away.

• Empathize with your student. This isn’t agreeing with poor choices, but acknowledging that you understand and hear your student. Communicate you are listening by saying thing like:

·         “I understand how that makes you feel.”

·         “ I can see where you are coming from.”

·         “You are right to feel that life isn’t fair, it’s not.”

• Assure your student of the things that are true.

·         Tell your child you are for them—even if you disagree with what they want to do.

·         Tell your child you love them, no matter what.

·         Tell your child that you will help them in any way you can as their parent to help them achieve their goals.

• Encourage your student with stories from your own life.

·         Share a time in your life when you wanted to give up—but didn’t—and how glad you were that you stuck with it.

·         Share a time when you did walk away, but regretted it later.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET (May 29th - June 12th)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Jesus seemed to make it pretty simple when it comes to what following Him would be all about: love God and love others as you love yourself. But this simple command gets a lot more complicated when we don't see God, ourselves and others as we should. When we don't see rightly, we don't live rightly. So, how do we fix our broken view? How do we start living in a way that reflects Jesus' intensions for our lives, and see the world the way we should? What we see is what we get. So, how do we see the right way?

Week 1 Summary: Simple (May 28th)

We all have a picture of who God is. And whether it’s positive or negative, the way we see God often shapes the way we experience Him—and most especially the way we relate to His greatest commandment: to love Him with all our heart. So how do we change our view? How do we start to see God the right way so we can begin to love Him, as He first loved us?

Week 2 Summary: Famous (June 4^th)

Every one of us wants to know the answer to this question: Do I matter? We look for it from our friends, our parents, social media and sometimes even from strangers. But what happens when we choose to stop looking at everyone else to tell us that we matter and start looking to the One who calls us His own? Because if we’re going to get the second part of the greatest commandment right, we’ve got to begin seeing ourselves as God sees us.

Week 3 Summary: The Side of the Road (June 11th)

If we were honest, I think many of us would admit, we tend to see ourselves as the center of the universe.  We see people in light of what they can do for us, instead of what we can do for them. But in the Great Commandment, Jesus makes it clear that our call as Christians is to love our neighbor. So, who is our neighbor? And, how do we love them? Thankfully, Jesus doesn't just tell us what to do, He tells us what this looks like. 

2. Be a Student of Your Student

No matter how old we get, the need for acceptance never goes away. Consciously or not, we are all drawn to the places and people where we feel absolutely and unconditionally welcomed, approved and believed in. But there may be no other time in life where the pull to feel this acceptance is as strong as the teenage years.

One motivational youth speaker puts it this way, “Acceptance is never more important than during the teen and preteen years – when they are clamoring, ever so awkwardly, toward adulthood and on their way to the summit of self-actualization (their true potential)” (http://www.pinkshoehero.org/2012/11/12/unconditional-acceptance/).

This may not be new information, but as parents to teenagers, it is critical information. As our students approach ages where the need for acceptance is felt more acutely than ever before, the stakes are higher than ever. Because if we aren’t offering the acceptance our teenagers are desperate for, they won’t just live without it—they will look elsewhere for it.

Which is why it is so important that our kids feel the acceptance they need from us primarily. But before addressing what acceptance may look like, let’s talk about what it is not. Acceptance of our students doesn’t have to mean approval of unwise choices. In the article “The Importance of Unconditional Self Acceptance” from the parenting website The Kids Are Alright, the point is made this way: “Accepting a teenager unconditionally doesn’t mean you have to accept their reasoning, the premise of what they’re saying, their poor behavior or bad attitude, their disrespect, their playing the victim card, or their oft-times poor sense of judgment … But the simple act of showing them that you accept them for who they are, as a person – their weaknesses, strengths and all – is the first step to helping them build their own self-acceptance” (http://www.thekidsareallright.com.au/2013/parenting/self-esteem-unconditional-self-acceptance/).

In addition, acceptance, from our end as parents, should not be a reaction. We shouldn’t be taking our cues from our teenagers and gauging how to respond to them based off of how they are treating us. In fact, the opposite is true. Though this is a stage of life where they may be naturally pulling away and sending every nonverbal (or verbal) message of how they don’t want us around, this is the time when our communicated acceptance is the most crucial. In offering this, even when your student is communicating something different, you are creating the space for change in their behavior to happen. And whether their behavior changes or not, creating a place where they feel accepted is always a good idea.

So, how do we begin showing unconditional acceptance to our teenagers in actual, tangible ways? How do we put our “I love you” in a language they can really understand?

3. Action Point

Social scientists John DeFrain and Nick Stinnett asked 1,500 kids, “What do you think makes a family happy?” What was their most frequent answer? Doing things together.                                                                                            

Here is a list of seven creative ways parents can demonstrate their love and acceptance to their children.

1.  Plan to hang out with your student once a month—and let them choose the activity.

2.  Kidnap them unexpectedly for a walk or a meal.

3.  Write something encouraging on a Post-it-note and stick it on their bedroom door.

4.  Spend an hour listening to their favorite music or watching their favorite TV show with them.

5.  Find something about your child’s appearance to compliment. 

6.  Do one of their chores for them.

7.  Sit down with your child and start asking questions … and then listen to them.

Pick one—or all seven—and be intentional this week about showing your student that you love and accept them, just the way they are.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.