1.
Be a Student of What They are Learning
Jesus seemed to make it pretty simple when it comes to what
following Him would be all about: love God and love others as you love
yourself. But this simple command gets a lot more complicated when we don't see
God, ourselves and others as we should. When we don't see rightly, we don't
live rightly. So, how do we fix our broken view? How do we start living in a
way that reflects Jesus' intensions for our lives, and see the world the way we
should? What we see is what we get. So, how do we see the right way?
Week 1 Summary: Simple (May 28th)
We all have a picture of who God is.
And whether it’s positive or negative, the way we see God often shapes the way
we experience Him—and most especially the way we relate to His greatest
commandment: to love Him with all our heart. So how do we change our view? How
do we start to see God the right way so we can begin to love Him, as He first
loved us?
Week 2 Summary: Famous (June 4th)
Every one of us wants to know the
answer to this question: Do I matter? We look for it from our friends, our
parents, social media and sometimes even from strangers. But what happens when
we choose to stop looking at everyone else to tell us that we matter and start
looking to the One who calls us His own? Because if we’re going to get the
second part of the greatest commandment right, we’ve got to begin seeing
ourselves as God sees us.
Week 3 Summary: The Side of the Road (June 11th)
If we were honest, I think many of us
would admit, we tend to see ourselves as the center of the universe. We
see people in light of what they can do for us, instead of what we
can do for them. But in the Great Commandment, Jesus makes it clear that our
call as Christians is to love our neighbor. So, who is our
neighbor? And, how do we love them? Thankfully, Jesus doesn't
just tell us what to do, He tells us what this looks like.
2.
Be a Student of Your Student
No matter how old we get, the need for acceptance
never goes away. Consciously or not, we are all drawn to the places and people
where we feel absolutely and unconditionally welcomed, approved and believed
in. But there may be no other time in life where the pull to feel this
acceptance is as strong as the teenage years.
One motivational youth speaker puts it this way, “Acceptance is never more
important than during the teen and preteen years – when they are
clamoring, ever so awkwardly, toward adulthood and on their way to the summit
of self-actualization (their true potential)” (http://www.pinkshoehero.org/2012/11/12/unconditional-acceptance/).
This may not be new information, but as parents to
teenagers, it is critical information. As our students approach ages where the
need for acceptance is felt more acutely than ever before, the stakes are
higher than ever. Because if we aren’t offering the acceptance our teenagers
are desperate for, they won’t just live without it—they will look elsewhere for
it.
Which is why it is
so important that our kids feel the acceptance they need from us primarily. But
before addressing what acceptance may look like, let’s talk about what it is not. Acceptance of our students doesn’t
have to mean approval of unwise choices. In the article “The
Importance of Unconditional Self Acceptance” from the parenting website The Kids
Are Alright,
the point is made this way: “Accepting a
teenager unconditionally doesn’t mean you have to accept their
reasoning, the premise of what they’re saying, their poor behavior or bad
attitude, their disrespect, their playing the victim card, or their oft-times
poor sense of judgment … But the simple act of showing them that you accept
them for who they are, as a person – their weaknesses, strengths and all – is
the first step to helping them build their own self-acceptance” (http://www.thekidsareallright.com.au/2013/parenting/self-esteem-unconditional-self-acceptance/).
In addition, acceptance, from our end as parents,
should not be a reaction. We shouldn’t be taking our cues from our teenagers
and gauging how to respond to them based off of how they are treating us. In
fact, the opposite is true. Though this is a stage of life where they may be
naturally pulling away and sending every nonverbal (or verbal) message of how
they don’t want us around, this is the time when our communicated acceptance is
the most crucial. In offering this, even when your student is communicating
something different, you are creating the space for change in their behavior to
happen. And whether their behavior changes or not, creating a place where they
feel accepted is always a good idea.
So, how do we begin showing unconditional acceptance
to our teenagers in actual, tangible ways? How do we put our “I love you” in a
language they can really understand?
3.
Action Point
Social scientists John
DeFrain and Nick Stinnett asked 1,500 kids, “What do you think makes a family
happy?” What was their most frequent answer? Doing things together.
Here is a list of seven
creative ways parents can demonstrate their love and acceptance to their
children.
1. Plan to hang out
with your student once a month—and let them choose the activity.
2. Kidnap them
unexpectedly for a walk or a meal.
3. Write something
encouraging on a Post-it-note and stick it on their bedroom door.
4. Spend an hour
listening to their favorite music or watching their favorite TV show with them.
5. Find something
about your child’s appearance to compliment.
6. Do one of their
chores for them.
7. Sit down with your
child and start asking questions … and then listen to them.
Pick one—or all seven—and be
intentional this week about showing your student that you love and accept them,
just the way they are.