We’re Teaching This:
Have you ever turned on the news only to wish you
hadn’t? Or answered a phone call only to wish you could un-hear the news on the
other end? Whether it’s a global disaster, a school shooting, our parents’
divorce, or the death of a friend, there’s nothing fun about learning of a
tragedy. It can make us feel like we are walking through a shadowland—where
nothing seems quite right and there are more questions than answers. What do we
say? What do we do? What happens next? And, how long will it take? At some
point, we will all face a shadowland, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay
there. There is a way through to the other side of tragedy, to healing. But
getting there means we have to trust the One who is leading us.
Session 1 Summary: The First Step (5/14)
What now? It’s
the big question that we all ask when we find ourselves in a shadowland of
tragedy. There’s no textbook for it, at least not one we’ve read. We don’t know
where to go. And we don’t know what to do next. How are we supposed to respond when a tragedy strikes? Some of Jesus’ closest
friends faced the same questions when their brother died. When Jesus comes to them
in the middle of their shadowland, we see Him respond in a way that is both
surprising and incredibly helpful as we begin to move forward in tragedy.
Session 2 Summary: Leave Me Alone (5/21)
Have you ever broken a bone? Had surgery? Needed
physical therapy? If so, you know that recovery often takes longer that we
think it will. The same is true as someone close to us recovers from a tragedy.
It takes a lot longer than we think. And most of the time, we aren’t sure how
to respond. What should we say? How should we act? What can we do when
nothing seems to help? In the story of Naomi and Ruth, we find a beautiful
example of how one friend helps another make it to the other side of tragedy.
And, in their story, we find that friends, not fixers, can be just what God
uses to heal those walking through a shadowland.
Session 3 Summary: Drop the Anchor (5/27)
So where is God when tragedy strikes? It’s a
question you can’t help asking. Facing a tragedy, big or small, can shake
anyone’s faith. Suddenly, nothing is certain. Nothing feels safe. And we wonder
where God is and whether He has abandoned us in a shadowland. As the confusion
of tragedy swirls around us, we all need something to hold on to. An anchor. In
the words of the Apostle Paul, spoken from the middle of a shadowland, we learn
a truth that can steady us in times of tragedy. And if we hold on tight, we may
find that it’s just what we need to help us move forward.
Think About This:
Good
grief. Is there really such a thing? Is there any way on earth that grieving
can be good? Intellectually, we may
say yes. We remember enough from our psychology class to know that grieving is
helpful—but watching your child experience grief is a different story. Whether
they’re mourning the loss of a pet, a family divorce, or something on a much
larger scale, silently standing by as your student grieves can feel
counterintuitive
In
his article, Dealing with Tragedy and
Loss, pastor Steve Wiens says it this way: “When we encounter others who are in pain, we do not know what to do. We
do not know how to comfort them. And so we say things to make a really awkward
moment less awkward… which is understandable, but not helpful. These responses
don't help someone who is in deep pain:
"God must have needed another angel in heaven."
"At least he's no longer suffering."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"At least he's no longer suffering."
"Everything happens for a reason."
The
problem is that most of us don’t know what
to say or do for our teen. There’s no manual for it. So what should we do to help our student
navigate the grieving process?
- Be Quiet. Like most grieving
people, students need less words than we think. A hug and a simple, “I’m
sorry” can be more comforting than trying to fill the silence with
explanations or pep talks.
- Be Available. For students, grief
comes in waves. It can be tricky for parents who think their teen is fine
only to find them grieving weeks or months after a tragedy. So, no matter
what happens and no matter how long it takes, be available. Tell them that
you’re there to listen days after the event, months later, and even years
down the road. Knowing you’re in it for the long-haul can help a teen feel
stable even when the world around them is not.
Based on resources from How
to Help a Grieving Teen by the Dougy Center and Dealing
With Tragedy And Loss by Steve Wiens.
Try This
When a student is experiencing tragedy, on a large
or small scale, it can be difficult for a parent to know what to do or what to
say. This is a great time to look for an outside resource—a source of wisdom
that can give you some context for what to expect from your student.
- Try reaching out to
another parent who has been through a similar situation. You don’t have to meet
over dinner, just email or call and ask a simple question. You can say
something like this, “I know you’ve
been in a similar position. What were some things that you learned or some
things that surprised you while your teenager was grieving?”
- Do your homework. There are some great
resources out there to help parents learn to cope with students who are
grieving. Check out the grief resources from the Dougy Center here http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-teens/.